Me: You gotta get up for the downstroke… You know what I’m saying, chief?
Sri: Ahh, do yeah ya know yeah.
Me: WHAT!?!
Sri: Sorry chief, the bubble gum wouldn’t let me speak clearly.
Me: Oh…
Sri: It’s not the swagger.
Me: !!!!!!
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January 2012
…randomly played on my iPhone… just in time for the upcoming Spartacus: Vengeance season…
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhqQFs7huwU]
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Rule #1: You can’t say DC Shit and leave out the Godfather…
I’ve successfully managed to remain oblivious to the onslaught of the “Shit **** Says” videos… Only saw one in it’s entirety and strongly wanted my time fully refunded… So, I’m pretty much out of the loop of shit folks say… Long as I can understand what my folks say… I’m cool.
Speaking of which…
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuPwy77scvw]
“Aye young, you seen that video joint of dude tawmbout shit DC says?”
Yes and oddly enough, it mostly seemed foreign.
But why? I should be up on the latest when it comes to DC…
I mean…
I’m a native Washingtonian… Born in the now defunct Columbia Hospital… in the early 80’s when Rayful Edmond, III was governing the streets and Marion Barry could do no wrong… when the Redskins mattered and Jack Kent Cooke was a god… My pops was born and raised in DC… my stepmom, too… Most of my friends and family call the Diamond District home… I went to all DC public schools… Shout out to them Shepherd Mustangs, Jefferson Trojans and Banneker Bulldogs (or Achievers, if you got jokes…) Hell, I even walked across the street from Banneker and went to college at the Mecca, the one and only H.U.
So, certainly when a video of “Shit DC Says” I should instantly connect and do the typically… “Right, riiiight… true dat.”
Hmm… it didn’t happen… and it’s scary.
It’s one thing to be amazed that they’re Caucasians roaming Sherman Ave at 2am not in cop uniforms…
It’s even neat to be outnumbered at a public venue on U St…
But when the language changes, the artifacts and institutions shifts and/or disappears…
It’s flat out frightening.
Watching the video…
I didn’t hear one “Aye young…” or “Naahhh, joe (or moe)”… Note: it’s “moe” if you a young cat.
No… “What up, champ?”
No… “Man, she lunchin’…”
Not a… “Stop wellin…'” or “swellin'” dependent on your quadrant…
I mean I was jive psyched (aka “jiii cised”) when I saw the email “SHIT DC SAYS”…
But all I could think was… “Oh, that’s how they wanna carry it?”
No New Balances… No Back, No Junk, No Chuck… Hell, wasn’t ANY mention of Go-Go… the SOUND of DC…
Ibiza??? Who does that… but “Aye, who at Tradewinds tonight, young? Cause you know I ain’t stand in line to cop these Jay’s for nothing.“
No “salpepacatchup”…because true DC could give a damn about a big slice… just hand me 5 wings fried hard with Mumbo sauce… and put some “salpepacatchup” on the fries…
No love for the Southside… which to an UPT (see: NW DC) cat isn’t dangerous… You just better go over there with a purpose and stick to it… You step outta line and they WILL remind you that Benning Road is a lot closer than GA. Ave…
Also, DC fans don’t give up on the Skins… we’re delusional that way… it wouldn’t be a “Ugh! Fucking Redskins!” rather it would have been “Nah, we good… wait til the offseason… I know we 0-2 now… but just wait til the offseason.”
Plus… the other half of DC residents are Cowboys fans… Why? “I mess with them because they gave Blacks a chance…”
I wonder what happen to the hospital I was born in… “It’s a new condo, joe??? Aye, stop welling, young.”
And who the fuck is a Jose Andres? Oh, he set up shops all across the city…
Sounds like he’s the new Rayful, moe.
Sincerely,
dre’ of the formerly Chocolate City…
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUQuRDYg_ps]
Diamond District – Who I Be …”Tell em’ who the f#%k I be!”
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Well, Red Tails came out. Don’t everybody clap at once. I spent the better part of last week Karl Roving this movie. I tried my best to convince people to go see it, if not for the story then at least in support for one of the highest budgeted Black films in recent history. At the time of this writing the box office numbers aren’t in, but if the scant attendance at the theater I went to is any indication, the movie didn’t do too well.
To be perfectly honest, I think the movie sucked. The dialogue was poorly written, the characters were never developed, the only guy with an Oscar seemed to be phoning his performance in and the story telling was amateurish at best. The whole thing felt like a high school essay where, instead of cleverly crafting a solid piece of work, the student is simply including information in random order to prove that he read the material.
Throughout the film I found myself wondering if the movie was really a metaphor for Hollywood in general. You have a highly capable group that, despite being given second-hand equipment, low expectations, almost zero support and hardly any recognition, still accepts what comes its way in the name of making small strides. The whole time I kept wondering, “If this story needed to be told so badly then where is Denzel Washington, Don Cheadle, Will Smith, Morgan Freeman, Chiwetel Ejiofor or anyone else who can fill theater seats and carry this movie?” I guess it didn’t need to be told that bad after all.
Then I had another revelation: “What if this movie does well? Are they gonna see this campy, whitewashed, shallow film as the new standard for Black film?” Shortly after Tyler Perry shattered expectations with his first two films, every Black movie became a made-for-after-church special. But we kept supporting him in hopes of sparking a Black Renaissance. Instead we got six Madea films (A seventh is due out this year). By supporting this, what will we get next?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavement even if it leads nowhere?
– Ordale J. Allen
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