August 2011

Stripping is a topic, admittedly, that one wouldn’t expected debated on Do Better Movement… However, like most things in life… the current climate of the profession can Do Better… at least in my eyes.

What if there was gentleman’s club that specialized, or in the least had a night, that catered to lovers of a beautiful woman and even prettier music? No offense to the ladies… but we’re talking about music that has spawn generations… Ballads that are the very reason you’re reading these words… Grooves that allowed your Mom to steal your Dad away… or Rhythms that convinced MaDukes, a brother with a mean two-step means “He can provide…” Now, what he would be providing… that’s neither nor there.

But what if there was such an establishment…

Let’s take a trip to that very place.

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The original Onions location… in the heart of Uptown Washington, DC on Georgia Ave, in the same strip the former local hangout Faces once stood, is now the only one standing. Due to the economic climate of the recently gentrified Washington, DC… owner Lamont Arnez Pressley has converted his Soul food restaurant into a gentleman’s club. In an attempt to capture the happy hour wallets of DC’s “ole heads” and the rising population of young buppies.  He’s declared Friday nights, “Shed A Tear at Onions” featuring DJ PoleSoul (that’s me!) on the 1’s and  2’s.

Brother Shaze’s iPod is providing the sounds for the backdrop for the evening… As he’s behind the bar serving up deceiving concoctions… setting up a liquid base both of the alcohol and financial sort… You overhear new patrons claim… “It doesn’t even taste like anything’s in this…” Oh, but there is. Several guests are being served by the “Onionettes” also known as the main attraction for this evening. That’s later, currently they’re simply taking drink and wing orders with a hint of seduction and a flair of flirtation. By the way… it should be noted the Onionettes sport the classic Onion uniform. White sleeveless bottom-down tops with red strips… topped with black bow-ties. Covering the “fully furnished tailfeathers” are heavenly designed “boy shorts” in red, matching the Louboutin heels that are given to each Onionette, after completing 2 months of training. The kitchen is busy pumping out orders… especially the famous “Four-Topped Fried Catfish” plate… featuring fried catfish topped with shrimp, scallops, lobster & crab meat, with a side of mean greens and mac & cheese. Smoke of cigars float above the discussions of DC politics or whomever owes Big Cess “twenty large for picking the Skin’s over Eagles.” The vibe is simmering…

“Nick Tha 1da 2-Step” – 9:00 to 11PM

 

Happy Hour has ended and normally there would be an exodus, however, DJ Nick Tha 1da is spinning hits from yesteryear and today… Deep hip hop cuts and side-B soul. The younger folk have decided it’s a good time to make an appearance… producing a wonderful blend of ages, styles, energy and sensibilities. Some have come to beat the 11PM deadline for the waings & thangs that the kitchen is dishing out. Others wanted to pay homage to elder statesmen… most came to secure a seat for the show. Something they’ll remember for a lifetime… or at least until next week.
“Cue the music…” – 11:00PM

DJ PoleSoul has made his rounds… and provided the women his selection of tonight’s songs. It is an Onion’s tradition that 11PM is the party-starter time. Typically a young lady from Crystylz “Get It Right” pole dancing class volunteers to test out her routine as a prelude for the evening’s festivities. It is customary that the selected song serves as musical cue for the patrons to focus their attention to the stage and most importantly… get them dollars ready. It also should be noted that this dance is routine-centric, therefore the performer doesn’t go nude… unless she wants to. Tonight’s pupil chose to get the crowd’s attention with help of The Stylistics “Hurry Up This Way Again.”

Strike of Midnight! – 12:00AM

Most radio stations programs have their signature song that is played either at the beginning or closing of the show… Smokey Robinson’s “Quiet Storm” is a popular selection amongst the urban landscape… Onion’s is no different… at the stroke of midnight… each and every night two songs are played. Signaling the gathering of the Onionettes… some take the stage and begin individual or tandem routines… while others frolic on the floor to offer… one-on-one “consultations.” Truly a sight to behold… beautiful women all about teasing clients from the stage and up-close and personal. It’s only appropriate that Barry White’s “Midnight & You” is the 12:00AM signature…